Answers are coming to me the more I seek God and get to know myself. I keep wondering why sometimes it seems like the girl who is blogging and the girl in real life are separate people. The answer is that there are too many layers that won't let the real me shine. When I write, or when we do anything we love, I am completely transparent. When I encourage people, I am raw and unaltered. At other times there are so many things that weigh me down. Anger, fear, guilt, hostility, self-centeredness, self-consciousness, worry, anxiety, shame, defensiveness, etc. All these things cover up the real me and they are reactions to a given situation or my surroundings. The best illustration I can use is a naturally beautiful woman piling on layers and layers of makeup until it is caked on and she looks like a totally different person, even a bit ugly. These emotional burdens keep me from truly being me. So how do I shed these layers of past hurt and pain? How do I scrape off this caked on makeup and let myself naturally be me? Nothing holding me down. That answer lies in forgiveness. Forgiving myself for my past mistakes. Forgiving myself for not being where I want to be right now spiritually. By understanding that this was all a part of God's plan and I am exactly where I was meant to be and where I need to be. By embracing growth and embracing all of my attributes without categorizing them as good or bad).
By being PROACTIVE and not REACTIVE. Instead of reacting to the things around me, allowing the things around me to react to the true me. I control how I feel. I control how I affect the environment I surround myself in. I control my vibe and energy. Whatever goes on I shouldn't change who I am and be angry, fearful, defensive but be me, created in God's image, loving, understanding, patient. This is me, this person writing. No layers, no strongholds, no burdens. I am free in Christ.
So the next time negative emotions of my past arise, I will look up and inward, knowing that the emotions are reactions to something deeper that just needs to be recognized and understood. I will not lets these thing hide who I truly am and I am grateful for the people who can see past the layers and know who the real me is. I have to acknowledge the true Tiara and give her the way to shine the light of God. I have to take the initiative to strip down bear naked, raw and be the person God intended me to be. When that happens, everything will change and I will be at peace with myself and God.